Invitations in a second language
Jono Ryan
For English learners living in English-majority countries, a major priority is being able to meaningfully participate in the society around them. Part of this involves developing literacy, but much more so it’s about speaking and listening skills, and in particular the skills needed to establish, build, and maintain relationships. These range from genuine friendships to the far more numerous functional or transactional relationships of daily life – your neighbours, hairdresser, kid’s teacher, barista and so on – all of whom we need to develop varying degrees of trust and cooperation. First impressions are formed very quickly and if things get off to a shaky start, these impressions can be difficult to move beyond.
For now, though, I want to focus on the transition from being acquainted with someone to developing more of a friendship. There was a survey some years ago in which international students discussed their pre-departure expectations of making friends with the locals, and their bitter disappointment when it didn’t happen. This undoubtedly plays some part in loneliness being “one of the defining features of the international student experience” (Marginson et al. 2010: 365). I’d argue that the most crucial skill here is small talk and the rapport building that happens when shooting the breeze. But there may also come a transition point at which the learner would like to spend time with someone socially, maybe chat over coffee or to accompany them to a movie.
How do you go about making this transition? What’s the language required for this?
Textbooks are not much help. If invitations are taught at all, it’s often as a single expression (‘Would you like to go for dinner?’). The trouble is that a lot can go wrong with an out-of-the-blue invitation. As the invitee, it can be awkward to be put on the spot, suddenly weighing up whether to spend time with someone, and possibly having to make your excuses. For the inviter, there’s the risk of a loss of face from a flat-out rejection or a stumbling, unconvincing excuse. The way people handle this situation is not to suddenly launch into an invitation, but to do some other, preparatory talk which paves the way for a possible invitation. Consider, for example, the following example from the Chasing Time English materials for the My Name is Lucky series:
A: Are you doing anything this evening?
What A says functions here as a possible ‘pre-invitation’. On hearing it, B (the addressee) will understand that saying they’re free means A is likely to follow up with an invitation. Knowing this means that B can influence what A des next.
So, if B doesn’t like the idea of hanging out with A, they just have to provide an account of being busy (e.g. “I’ve got to study for an exam” or “Yeah, I’m catching up with some people”). On hearing this, Speaker A will adjust course, perhaps instead following up with an innocuous question about the exam. Afterwards, because no invitation was made, B can't even really say that ‘A was going to invite me out’. The awkward situation is avoided, and no one loses face.
Conversely, if B is receptive to an invitation, they might respond as in the following (from Episode 3 materials, My Name is Lucky):
A: Are you doing anything this evening?
B: Not really, why?
A: Want to go to a movie?
B: Yeah, sure.
Although similar things probably happen in all languages, the layperson never really thinks about it. They just do it. But when speaking a less familiar language, we don’t always think to apply the same strategy.
As already alluded to, textbooks also tend to confuse matters by skipping the pre-invitation.
Addressing this kind of interpersonal pragmatics has been a major focus for Chasing Time English, with nearly all of our 12 series to date having an extensive focus on social interaction. For those specifically interested in invitations, there are teaching units on invitations in Days Crossing (lower Intermediate and above), My Name is Lucky (Intermediate), and Adrift (Upper Intermediate and above).
Reference
Marginson, Simon, et al. (2010), International student security (Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press).